She smiles and she laughs now, but the scar on her right cheek serves as a constant reminder of the price Duncan Village resident Phiwe Ngcingi paid for being “different”.
Born a boy in rural Centane in 1991, Ngcingi said it was as an 11-year-old Grade 5 pupil when she realised she was different from other boys.
According to the young transgender woman, she always preferred the games society only deems fit for girls, preferred the company of females to males and constantly chose tasks considered feminine.
It was after moving to East London to live with an aunt and made a friend – another boy who allowed her to freely wear skirts, dresses and wigs during playtime – that she identified with being female.
And it was during a visit to Johannesburg as a 17-year-old that Ngcingi first heard the word “transgender”, a word which would later change her entire life.
“I never knew what it was exactly, but I just always knew I was different from other boys. For instance, when we played house as children, I always wanted to be the mother ... I was never happy with playing the father,” she said.
“I left Centane when I was young to come live with my aunt here in East London and it was easier to be who I was then – a more feminine kind of boy.
“A few years later, I was sent to go and live with relatives in the rural areas where I was meant to complete my schooling but I begged to return because life in the rural areas was too harsh for me. The tasks set aside for young boys, such as herding livestock, made me very unhappy.
“I asked my aunt if I could come back and she allowed me to. I felt free to be myself here. The community saw that I was different, but they accepted me. They always referred to me and my friend as ‘tomboys’. We just accepted that name and continued being ourselves. I was in Johannesburg when I first heard the term ‘transgender’ and it described me perfectly.
“Immediately after that, I attended my first meeting which discussed gender identity and everything I heard seemed to be describing my life. I have lived my life differently since then.”
Ngcingi is one of 20 transgender women from the Eastern Cape to be featured in a book titled I Am, Therefore We Are, written by Kris Lyseggen and Dr Herb Schreier.
The book, officially released in August, takes an in-depth look at the new transfeminist movement spearheaded by Xhosa women in the province, while gently telling the stories of the obstacles and the hardships these women have been forced to overcome in their lives.
Transfeminist is defined by activist Emi Koyama as “a movement by and for trans women who view their liberation to be intrinsically linked to the liberation of all women and beyond”.
Many of the women in the book have faced issues of incest, sexual violence, HIV, TB and starvation at the hands of family, friends and the community at large.
The stories are written by the women themselves, accompanied by photos of themselves and their loved ones.
In the book, Ngcingi bravely shares the story of how she came to have a scar on her face after a beating by a group of women at a tavern.
“On October 15 2015, we went to the tavern – me and my friend Austin. I bought some beers while we were just cooling ourselves outside. One man approached me, and I went to the washroom with him. He asked for my number, I gave it to him.
“Then on my way back to Austin, three women asked me what I had been doing with Themba in the washroom. I told them he asked for my number. While I said this, one woman threw a beer bottle at me. I bled a lot. Then when I looked up, I saw lots of guys were standing there saying I should be beaten more.
“We looked for assistance from any car passing by, but no one wanted to take me to the hospital. We had to call a cab to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital, but the nurses didn’t want to stitch me. Finally they gave in and stitched me, but they stitched me all wrong.”
Malwande Onceya from King William's Town, or Wandy as she’s also known, shared how, trapped in a boy’s body, she had refused to go to school in Grade 1.
“I told my mom, ‘No, I’m not going to wear trousers’. I was going to wear skirts and dresses. She refused to buy me skirts and dresses, but my grannytold my mother, ‘If he asks for it, you must buy those things’. She is my best ally. She is still alive. She raised me,” the book reads.
“I go to church. And I am wearing skirts in the church. They treat me as a mother. In church there is what we call mother’s chairs and father’s chairs, so I’m sitting on the mother’s side even though they know I am gay. They accept me.
“I have never had hormones. I would very much like to have hormones. I don’t know how much they cost. I don’t think there are any doctors here who would want to help us. It can be dangerous to talk about it, because people will beat you up. They will beat you to hell. I have seen it many times myself. It is as though I am trapped in this man’s body. I am a woman, so I told them to please stop discriminating against us.”
Circumcision, forced onto the women either by family or community members, is an issue most of them have faced, whether they agreed to “go to the mountain” or not.
“I have not had circumcision. I feel like a woman, how can I go and do circumcision? Like I said, I’m a woman. If my husband heard I’m going to the circumcision, what would he think? He thinks I’m in between. So I would never do that. Instead of that, I can have a sex change,” wrote Zaza Kwinana, who lives with her husband in Duncan Village.
Kwinana said her confidence emanates from the acceptance she received from her parents from a young age when she voiced her preference for dresses instead of pants. Although many of the women faced different obstacles in their lives, the need for acceptance and understanding, irrespective of outside appearances or wardrobe choices, is common.
“There are still many misconceptions around the transgender community that many people believe. Clothes have nothing to do with gender identity. Some transgender women like to wear dresses and skirts but others, like me, just stick to jeans and T-shirts. That doesn’t make me less of a woman.
“I am a woman at heart, even if my outside appearance doesn’t show that,” Ngcingi said.
“Many of us became a part of this book because we were hoping that by sharing these stories of ourselves, we could do something to change how the world sees us. We hope that by reading our stories, we will finally be able to be seen by society – firstly as normal human beings, but most importantly, as women.”
I Am, Therefore We Are, is available in paperback from Amazon for $19.99 (about R273). — zisandan@dispatch.co.za
Trapped in a man’s body
Born a boy in rural Centane in 1991, Ngcingi said it was as an 11-year-old Grade 5 pupil when she realised she was different from other boys.
According to the young transgender woman, she always preferred the games society only deems fit for girls, preferred the company of females to males and constantly chose tasks considered feminine.
It was after moving to East London to live with an aunt and made a friend – another boy who allowed her to freely wear skirts, dresses and wigs during playtime – that she identified with being female.
And it was during a visit to Johannesburg as a 17-year-old that Ngcingi first heard the word “transgender”, a word which would later change her entire life.
“I never knew what it was exactly, but I just always knew I was different from other boys. For instance, when we played house as children, I always wanted to be the mother ... I was never happy with playing the father,” she said.
“I left Centane when I was young to come live with my aunt here in East London and it was easier to be who I was then – a more feminine kind of boy.
“A few years later, I was sent to go and live with relatives in the rural areas where I was meant to complete my schooling but I begged to return because life in the rural areas was too harsh for me. The tasks set aside for young boys, such as herding livestock, made me very unhappy.
“I asked my aunt if I could come back and she allowed me to. I felt free to be myself here. The community saw that I was different, but they accepted me. They always referred to me and my friend as ‘tomboys’. We just accepted that name and continued being ourselves. I was in Johannesburg when I first heard the term ‘transgender’ and it described me perfectly.
“Immediately after that, I attended my first meeting which discussed gender identity and everything I heard seemed to be describing my life. I have lived my life differently since then.”
Ngcingi is one of 20 transgender women from the Eastern Cape to be featured in a book titled I Am, Therefore We Are, written by Kris Lyseggen and Dr Herb Schreier.
The book, officially released in August, takes an in-depth look at the new transfeminist movement spearheaded by Xhosa women in the province, while gently telling the stories of the obstacles and the hardships these women have been forced to overcome in their lives.
Transfeminist is defined by activist Emi Koyama as “a movement by and for trans women who view their liberation to be intrinsically linked to the liberation of all women and beyond”.
Many of the women in the book have faced issues of incest, sexual violence, HIV, TB and starvation at the hands of family, friends and the community at large.
The stories are written by the women themselves, accompanied by photos of themselves and their loved ones.
In the book, Ngcingi bravely shares the story of how she came to have a scar on her face after a beating by a group of women at a tavern.
“On October 15 2015, we went to the tavern – me and my friend Austin. I bought some beers while we were just cooling ourselves outside. One man approached me, and I went to the washroom with him. He asked for my number, I gave it to him.
“Then on my way back to Austin, three women asked me what I had been doing with Themba in the washroom. I told them he asked for my number. While I said this, one woman threw a beer bottle at me. I bled a lot. Then when I looked up, I saw lots of guys were standing there saying I should be beaten more.
“We looked for assistance from any car passing by, but no one wanted to take me to the hospital. We had to call a cab to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital, but the nurses didn’t want to stitch me. Finally they gave in and stitched me, but they stitched me all wrong.”
Malwande Onceya from King William's Town, or Wandy as she’s also known, shared how, trapped in a boy’s body, she had refused to go to school in Grade 1.
“I told my mom, ‘No, I’m not going to wear trousers’. I was going to wear skirts and dresses. She refused to buy me skirts and dresses, but my grannytold my mother, ‘If he asks for it, you must buy those things’. She is my best ally. She is still alive. She raised me,” the book reads.
“I go to church. And I am wearing skirts in the church. They treat me as a mother. In church there is what we call mother’s chairs and father’s chairs, so I’m sitting on the mother’s side even though they know I am gay. They accept me.
“I have never had hormones. I would very much like to have hormones. I don’t know how much they cost. I don’t think there are any doctors here who would want to help us. It can be dangerous to talk about it, because people will beat you up. They will beat you to hell. I have seen it many times myself. It is as though I am trapped in this man’s body. I am a woman, so I told them to please stop discriminating against us.”
Circumcision, forced onto the women either by family or community members, is an issue most of them have faced, whether they agreed to “go to the mountain” or not.
“I have not had circumcision. I feel like a woman, how can I go and do circumcision? Like I said, I’m a woman. If my husband heard I’m going to the circumcision, what would he think? He thinks I’m in between. So I would never do that. Instead of that, I can have a sex change,” wrote Zaza Kwinana, who lives with her husband in Duncan Village.
Kwinana said her confidence emanates from the acceptance she received from her parents from a young age when she voiced her preference for dresses instead of pants. Although many of the women faced different obstacles in their lives, the need for acceptance and understanding, irrespective of outside appearances or wardrobe choices, is common.
“There are still many misconceptions around the transgender community that many people believe. Clothes have nothing to do with gender identity. Some transgender women like to wear dresses and skirts but others, like me, just stick to jeans and T-shirts. That doesn’t make me less of a woman.
“I am a woman at heart, even if my outside appearance doesn’t show that,” Ngcingi said.
“Many of us became a part of this book because we were hoping that by sharing these stories of ourselves, we could do something to change how the world sees us. We hope that by reading our stories, we will finally be able to be seen by society – firstly as normal human beings, but most importantly, as women.”
I Am, Therefore We Are, is available in paperback from Amazon for $19.99 (about R273). — zisandan@dispatch.co.za
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