Tissues to cry about

LAST year I wrote a column about a dear friend, an inanimate object, but something that I held close to my heart through good times and bad – colds and flu, hayfever, and in health as well – Kleenex tissues for men.

Now they’re gone from supermarket and pharmacy shelves, and they won’t be back.

I even took a box of them with me to New Zealand recently, the last box I had, and brought a few unused ones home. Now those have also gone.

My story last year nearly led to the end of our glorious relationship, however, but we kissed and made up. It started when I found some of the tissues were starting to disintegrate when I blew my nose into them.

I wrote to manufacturers Kimberly-Clarke and told them how distressed I was; that I’d been an enthusiastic customer for over 30 years after my wife refused to wash or iron my hankies any longer.

They were called Gary Player tissues then, but some years later Gary Player’s name disappeared from the boxes and he endorsed another brand called Black Knight, which were not as good, so I returned to Kleenex. Then last year I had problems with some and wrote to Kimberly- Clarke’s consumer line complaining about the contents of three boxes.

“All seemed okay until I noticed little specks of white tissue were flying about every time I had a blow,” I wrote and told them.

“And these little specks, sometimes big specks, would stick to my face, land on my shirt, jersey, even on the floor. Having specks of paper flying about like confetti each time I blow my nose is a total no-no.

“You describe your product as ‘tough care’ and having ‘the strength you trust’. I tell you what. The current lot are not tough, caring, or strong. No, they are rubbish!” I said.

“As a loyal customer can I trust you will put matters right. Bless you!”

It turned out the boxes I had bought were in a batch that had got a little damp, and they sent me three new ones as compensation. I continued to use the brand, a happy customer – until now that is.

Imagine my disappointment then after returning from overseas last month to find these men’s tissues weren’t on shop shelves any more. Nowhere. So I contacted the local agents and spoke to the manager. “I can’t find my favourite tissues anywhere,” I protested. “Are you out of stock?”

“No, sir,” he replied. “They’ve stopped making them.”

“What! Why?” I asked, shocked. “They’re all I like to use. I’m devastated.”

It seems that demand for the men’s tissues in their distinctive green box had declined steadily after the split with Gary Player and now they’ve been taken off the market altogether. Rest In Peace, dear friend. I’m going to miss you! Really!

There is nothing else on the market to compare, nothing else I am aware of anyway, that comes close to my beloved men’s tissues. I went in search last week of any product to compare. There are so-called Kleenex for Men 3-ply tissues in little cellophane packets. They’re not the same. They’re smaller, thinner and weaker than the larger, robust product in the green box.

I’m disappointed. I’m even considering using paper towels or paper serviettes. None of these fragile feminine tissues for me thank you. Any suggestions?

Chiel today is Robin Ross-Thompson;