BEHIND THE NEWS | Dating our avuncular president

I’ve been dating President Cyril Ramaphosa on and off for about six months now.

He’s a snappy dresser and seems polite enough, though when it comes to being on time he is pretty ordinary.

Truth be told, my feelings are lukewarm at best, but I hang on because every now and again Cyril can surprise you by saying something important.

I’m not really dating the president of course, even if it has felt like it at times.

What I can say is that covering Ramaphosa’s announcements on Covid-19 has been interesting.

For one, we have had to adopt an old-school approach by reporting what he says from television.

Usually journalists are provided a copy of a speech ahead of time on the understanding that they will not publish anything until the address has been made public.

While embargoes are in place, this at least allows reporters the time to knock an article into shape and identify who to call for reaction.

Not so with Ramaphosa’s lockdown speeches.

At breakneck speed, you have to first transcribe what is being said, then identify what will be most relevant to readers and finally write his words in such a way that hopefully will be engaging.

The Dispatch has a comparatively early print deadline, so every minute beyond that puts huge pressure on the presses and delivery trucks.

So, when Cyril waltzes onto screen 20 minutes late and takes an age to remove his mask ... let’s just say new swear words have been invented in the past 170-odd days.

That is not the only fracture in the relationship, however.

For some or other reason, the presidency likes to play the guessing game, not only with journalists but the nation as a whole.

On some occasions, announcements that Ramaphosa will be speaking come through only two hours before the time.

For online coverage that’s all well and good, but it wreaks havoc in terms of planning the following day’s print product. Not to put too fine a point on it, all your plans are shot to hell.

The situation is worsened by some members of the public, who take great delight in creating Twitter accounts falsely presenting as the presidency announcing that Cyril will be addressing his fellow South Africans at such and such a time.

Frantic calls are then made to presidential spokespeople to ascertain whether the announcement is real or fake.

Unnecessary and a complete waste of people’s time and resources, but such is the world in which we now live.

We are quite fortunate in that one of our colleagues upcountry has a broadcasting source who tells him  whether a live feed is being prepared at the Union Buildings.

It is not always guaranteed that an address is imminent, but usually it’s a good indicator.

Returning to Ramaphosa himself, I suppose it should never be forgotten that he is, after all, a politician.

And those folks know how to bury the lead, as we say in our game.

There is an average 15 minutes of rambling before he gets to the rub of a new lockdown level.

Sure, it’s nice to be praised for washing your hands or staying home, but what we really want to know is when will we be allowed to walk the dogs again and should we stock up on booze.

It’s still not clear whether the chronological recap before getting to the point is done for dramatic effect, but certainly for journalists on deadline it’s not landing.

If this was a real relationship, I’m not too sure I would be calling the next day.

I can’t say it hasn’t been memorable though ...

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