IT’S FUNNY how life is. We are faced with many trials and tribulations that we need to go through in order to become stronger individuals.
Some situations are easier to overcome than others. If you hurt your leg, all you have to do is soak up the little bits of blood, put a bandage over the scar and let it heal for a couple of days.
But speaking from a personal point of view, one of the hardest things for any child to have to go through, is growing up without a father. And this is one societal issue that is highly prevalent.
This is very unfortunate because, ideally, a child should have the opportunity to grow up in the presence of both parents in a happy, loving home. Let me elaborate on my personal experience. Once upon a time, my mom was in a loving relationship with my father.
And, from what I am told, they seemed pretty happy. Then, in 1998, my mother found out she was pregnant. Of course, she was over the moon when she heard about this new development in her life.
And so was my father – or was he? As soon as my mother found out, she started planning for the future, one that she hoped my father would be part of. But unfortunately, this was not the case as he left as soon as he heard that she was pregnant.
My mother was heartbroken when this happened. She wasn’t just thinking of not having her boyfriend by her side when she needed him most, she was also thinking: “How am I going to raise my son alone?”
On January 10, 1999, my mother gave birth to me with her best friend by her side. I can only imagine again (from what I have been told) how happy they were when they first saw me. From that moment on, my mother regarded me as the greatest gift she has ever received.
As happy as she was at the time, she knew that raising me as a single parent would be a huge challenge. But she was ready to take it upon herself to give me the best life possible. And, as much as my father was not present, she wasn’t alone as she had a very strong support system.
She had her friends and family on her side. Two people I have to single out are my late grandmother and my uncle Simon. My grandmother helped raise me until it was time for her to leave us. And my uncle Simon has always been there for me. Whenever I need advice or just someone to talk to, he is there for me. He tells me to call him whenever I have a problem.
And, on those days where I do not have airtime, even a “please call” is sufficient enough for him to call me back. He’s been the father I’ve never had. As the years went by, I started to realise a few things. The first being that cartoons are not real, the second that human beings can’t fly, and the third, that children are supposed to have both parents in their lives.
From the moment I realised this, I started to feel the void left by his absence. One of the first times I actually saw my father was when I was four years old. And I remember this day like it was yesterday. He came over to the house and I just assumed he was one of my mother’s friends, and treated him as such. I remember saying childish things to him because I was a child.
And it seemed as though we were actually getting along because I enjoyed spending time with him. Then my mother told me this was my father and that he wanted to be in my life. Being the child I was, I was unaware of what had happened in the past, and was only too happy to say yes. But then, a couple of days later, he was gone. And I was heartbroken. His departure affected me to the point where I started blaming myself for him leaving. As weird as this may sound, any child would like their parents to be around – even though they are not actually present.
What I mean, is that even though your parents may not physically be there with you, you would like to keep in constant contact with them just to maintain a relationship. Even if it is an e-mail, SMS or a phone call; it means a lot to a child to know that they are never forgotten by their parents. Unfortunately for me, my father’s communication with me has been sparse. Years later, I found out that he was sick and my mom and I decided to take care of him for a night. The very next day, we took him back to his home in Mthatha.
While we were there, he decided to take us to Guido’s for some “family time”. We enjoyed ourselves very much, and time flew by. Then we dropped him off at his house and he gave me some cash for Christmas. Here again I thought it was the beginning of a relationship with him. But unfortunately, we haven’t spoken since.
I am now 16 and I’m growing up. Looking back, it would have been nice to have a father in my life. Even though my mother tells me that it is probably better to have not had both parents because, she says, even those households are not perfect. But thinking about what it would have been like to grow up with two supportive and loving parents by my side, is an exciting thought.
Throughout my adolescence, I have had a lot of rage and frustration inside me because at times I have felt so abandoned and alone. But one day, I had a life-changing epiphany – much as I might not have a father in the physical world, I have never been fatherless. What I realised is that God is always with me. As I have been going through the various trials and tribulations of life, I realised that I have never been alone.
When I need an answer to a very important question, when I need somebody to help me with the problems I’m facing, even when I need words of encouragement, God provides these things for me. God may not always appear to you, but he sends people to speak his words of encouragement to you through them. And as we go through life doing our best to fulfill that purpose, he gives us obstacles that we have to overcome in order for us to live happy and successful lives. It may be being born with 11 toes, being born only to find out that you can only have 24 teeth.
But in my case – along with millions of other children – I was born without a father. And God made that happen because he wants me to be a stronger person. A person that can handle a situation of any magnitude in the best possible way. As cliched as this may sound – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It is a cliché because it is true. At first, I could not think of forgiving. But now that I have forgiven, I feel as though I have become a stronger person. A better person. A person that can handle every situation that is put in front of him. No matter how grim your current situation may be, it is not hopeless.
You can still handle situations in a way that will positively impact your life. As much as you can’t control what happened in the past, you can face the situation head-on in the present, and ultimately shape a brighter future for yourself and be the best person you can be. You don’t have to be a product of your past, simply because you are not in control of it. But you can control the future, so make the best of your life and live it to the fullest, no matter what your situation. Never blame yourself for situations that you are not in control of.
As the famous Inyanla Vanzant says, “His leaving wasn’t about you. It was about him”. You are never fatherless because the Holy Father, God, will always be there for you. And no matter how bad your life may seem, just know that it’s all part of God’s plan. And he has a bigger and better plan for your life. You have to be in the presence of the dark night sky in order to see the bright morning sun. — Mhlomhle Duku, Grade 10, Hudson Park High
‘To the Dad I never had’
Some situations are easier to overcome than others. If you hurt your leg, all you have to do is soak up the little bits of blood, put a bandage over the scar and let it heal for a couple of days.
But speaking from a personal point of view, one of the hardest things for any child to have to go through, is growing up without a father. And this is one societal issue that is highly prevalent.
This is very unfortunate because, ideally, a child should have the opportunity to grow up in the presence of both parents in a happy, loving home. Let me elaborate on my personal experience. Once upon a time, my mom was in a loving relationship with my father.
And, from what I am told, they seemed pretty happy. Then, in 1998, my mother found out she was pregnant. Of course, she was over the moon when she heard about this new development in her life.
And so was my father – or was he? As soon as my mother found out, she started planning for the future, one that she hoped my father would be part of. But unfortunately, this was not the case as he left as soon as he heard that she was pregnant.
My mother was heartbroken when this happened. She wasn’t just thinking of not having her boyfriend by her side when she needed him most, she was also thinking: “How am I going to raise my son alone?”
On January 10, 1999, my mother gave birth to me with her best friend by her side. I can only imagine again (from what I have been told) how happy they were when they first saw me. From that moment on, my mother regarded me as the greatest gift she has ever received.
As happy as she was at the time, she knew that raising me as a single parent would be a huge challenge. But she was ready to take it upon herself to give me the best life possible. And, as much as my father was not present, she wasn’t alone as she had a very strong support system.
She had her friends and family on her side. Two people I have to single out are my late grandmother and my uncle Simon. My grandmother helped raise me until it was time for her to leave us. And my uncle Simon has always been there for me. Whenever I need advice or just someone to talk to, he is there for me. He tells me to call him whenever I have a problem.
And, on those days where I do not have airtime, even a “please call” is sufficient enough for him to call me back. He’s been the father I’ve never had. As the years went by, I started to realise a few things. The first being that cartoons are not real, the second that human beings can’t fly, and the third, that children are supposed to have both parents in their lives.
From the moment I realised this, I started to feel the void left by his absence. One of the first times I actually saw my father was when I was four years old. And I remember this day like it was yesterday. He came over to the house and I just assumed he was one of my mother’s friends, and treated him as such. I remember saying childish things to him because I was a child.
And it seemed as though we were actually getting along because I enjoyed spending time with him. Then my mother told me this was my father and that he wanted to be in my life. Being the child I was, I was unaware of what had happened in the past, and was only too happy to say yes. But then, a couple of days later, he was gone. And I was heartbroken. His departure affected me to the point where I started blaming myself for him leaving. As weird as this may sound, any child would like their parents to be around – even though they are not actually present.
What I mean, is that even though your parents may not physically be there with you, you would like to keep in constant contact with them just to maintain a relationship. Even if it is an e-mail, SMS or a phone call; it means a lot to a child to know that they are never forgotten by their parents. Unfortunately for me, my father’s communication with me has been sparse. Years later, I found out that he was sick and my mom and I decided to take care of him for a night. The very next day, we took him back to his home in Mthatha.
While we were there, he decided to take us to Guido’s for some “family time”. We enjoyed ourselves very much, and time flew by. Then we dropped him off at his house and he gave me some cash for Christmas. Here again I thought it was the beginning of a relationship with him. But unfortunately, we haven’t spoken since.
I am now 16 and I’m growing up. Looking back, it would have been nice to have a father in my life. Even though my mother tells me that it is probably better to have not had both parents because, she says, even those households are not perfect. But thinking about what it would have been like to grow up with two supportive and loving parents by my side, is an exciting thought.
Throughout my adolescence, I have had a lot of rage and frustration inside me because at times I have felt so abandoned and alone. But one day, I had a life-changing epiphany – much as I might not have a father in the physical world, I have never been fatherless. What I realised is that God is always with me. As I have been going through the various trials and tribulations of life, I realised that I have never been alone.
When I need an answer to a very important question, when I need somebody to help me with the problems I’m facing, even when I need words of encouragement, God provides these things for me. God may not always appear to you, but he sends people to speak his words of encouragement to you through them. And as we go through life doing our best to fulfill that purpose, he gives us obstacles that we have to overcome in order for us to live happy and successful lives. It may be being born with 11 toes, being born only to find out that you can only have 24 teeth.
But in my case – along with millions of other children – I was born without a father. And God made that happen because he wants me to be a stronger person. A person that can handle a situation of any magnitude in the best possible way. As cliched as this may sound – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It is a cliché because it is true. At first, I could not think of forgiving. But now that I have forgiven, I feel as though I have become a stronger person. A better person. A person that can handle every situation that is put in front of him. No matter how grim your current situation may be, it is not hopeless.
You can still handle situations in a way that will positively impact your life. As much as you can’t control what happened in the past, you can face the situation head-on in the present, and ultimately shape a brighter future for yourself and be the best person you can be. You don’t have to be a product of your past, simply because you are not in control of it. But you can control the future, so make the best of your life and live it to the fullest, no matter what your situation. Never blame yourself for situations that you are not in control of.
As the famous Inyanla Vanzant says, “His leaving wasn’t about you. It was about him”. You are never fatherless because the Holy Father, God, will always be there for you. And no matter how bad your life may seem, just know that it’s all part of God’s plan. And he has a bigger and better plan for your life. You have to be in the presence of the dark night sky in order to see the bright morning sun. — Mhlomhle Duku, Grade 10, Hudson Park High
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