A widow’s book to help others

Author Nomonde Nkqayini speaks about her book.
Author Nomonde Nkqayini speaks about her book.
Image: ZIYANDA ZWENI

Scribbling down the pain of losing her husband has birthed a book that author Nomonde Nkqayini hopes will give solace to other widows.

Nkqayini, 39, lost her husband of 20 years, Amos Nkqayini from Port St Johns, in 2016 when he suffered a brain aneurysm.

In her 17-chapter book titled A Story of a Young Bruised Widow, Nomonde details the stages of dealing with the loss, from denial to acceptance.

The book has been published by Grashyo Publishers – Bleed Words.

After the loss of her husband, a police captain, she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital with severe depression and memory loss.

“This book came about as a journal. I suffered a very traumatic stress and I ended up losing my mind because of denial. I was given a book to write down everything I felt,” said Nomonde.

She said accepting that she was a widow was difficult.

“I testified to myself and called myself a widow. This book came out of love for my husband, a loving and caring soul.

“I wrote this book to celebrate his life and to tell a story, that not all men are abusers.”

For Nomonde, a customer relations practitioner at Chris Hani district municipality, being a young widow came with carrying the baton for her husband and raising their seven children.

“It was the shock of my life. It’s a day I shall never forget in my life. It happened in front of me. Every time I close my eyes I still see him taking his last breath.”

She is now a motivational speaker and life coach.

Nomonde said the aim of the book was to sensitise other young widows about the challenges they face, such as finances, loneliness and rejection, among other things.

“I want widows to learn to stand on their own and not depend on others.

“They must stop the pity party and rally themselves and work for their children.

“They must open up on matters affecting them due to the loss of their husbands and not cry in corners.

“Yes, I am still bruised. Widowhood is a permanent scar. There is not a single day that passes without me thinking of my husband. Raising my children alone is not easy but God is giving me courage,” she said.

Nomonde advised widows to learn to do all sorts of things, from changing car tyres to plumbing.

“Sitting down and crying and feeling sorry for ourselves won’t solve any problems. Our husband won’t resurrect back to life because we need them.”

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