Trucking hell in the journey to the beyond

Sunday was a trucking hell run through the Mpumalanga and Free State coal belt.

Today, Monday, the grampas joyfully huffle and puffle through the “African Alps”, quips Grandads Army road captain Randall Leendertz.

It is ride and recreation time today as the Grandads Army, now in bourgeois, touristy mountain village, Clarens, clock more than 855km, on the healthier side of halfway in their 1,500km suffer-fest.

One rider who has resuscitated miraculously is 80-year-old grande G-dad and leader, Prof Colin Lazarus, who was bok for today’s self-proclaimed “Tour de Clarens”.

If anyone has ever turned on a kettle, then day seven, through the dark Mordor of Carolina, Hendrina, Bethal and Standerton, is a must-see.

These Free State and Mpumalanga roads under Afrikaner nationalism were a source of pride, even if they were mainly for white folks, while black folks and the coal went by rail.

But then came Eskom, ANC corruption, the death of rail and the rise of trucking.

It is insane. These dirty big-wheeler beasts rush in a bumper-to-bumper frenzy, dust-suppression tarps tattered and flapping from the back of many.

Everything feels coated in grime, from mysterious earth-walled colliery dumping yards, to weird little piles of fine coal dust lying in churned up byways.

You feel the filthy lucre pumping in these writhing, dying, transport veins.

This, it seems, has nothing to do with the people because they and their towns look decidedly beaten down.

Pushback is visible: every pothole warning sign is sprayed “ANC pothole!”

It was mesmerising — a moment of dark, lurid tourism — to watch huge tankers and other traffic snake their way drunkenly along a hilly kilometre of a major tar road, now reduced to a dusty, bumpy byway with only scabs of tar remaining.

But the grandads rode on, holding their line, steadying for the whoosh and turbulence of the blaring “behemoths”, as rider Rodney Offord wrote in his daily broadcast group, Rodney’s Road Rave.

It felt like all this madness was directed at one spot: Tutuka power station.

Suddenly there is a faint dark smudge on the horizon, but as the complex appears with its tall smoke stacks and many huge water coolers towers, you feel the tower of power.

There in the sun and struggling blue sky squats the alpha beast, the royal palace, rulers over all those trucking termites.

Thick coils of white steam unfold languidly into the cloud they make in their sky.

It mingles with the steady rod of grubby grey smoke which pierces the atmosphere. And this goes on ... forever?

The G-dads pull their bikes to attention, and like a dog that disapproves of its abusive owner, they turn their backs to the camera.

This is the distinct difference between tourism and journeying.

They have traversed this sh** show at 15km an hour for a long time, and it all burns down to this statement: There has to be a better way.

And from there it gets better.

Decent roads to Clarens in the foothills of the Malutis, and wow, this is tourism.

So many spunky shops, from bakers and blanket makers, to a rock climbing wall and “couples massages”.

Our billet is budget but great with panoramic views of the hills (and a shower so economical my shoulders touched the wall.)

But it has everything you could want and it’s clean, and varnished and cheerful.

The team is headed for Golden Gate to finish their daily 100km.

Journalism and a pap cell battery have allowed me to stay in town and skive off.

Now it is time to cruise this chest-beating little village and enjoy its arts and crafts.

Just have to watch that those ronds don’t flutter and fly off like the golden snitch.

In the words of Offord: “Contributions are coming in to the Eyabantwana For the Children Trust, an independent nonprofit trust established to support the work of the Eastern Cape Paediatric Surgical Services based at the East London hospitals.

“If you would like to make a donation of any amount to Eyabantwana, you can do an EFT to Eyabantwana, Nedbank branch 198765 (Beacon Bay) Account No 1138181366 or use the QR code.”

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