Get tough on women abuse

As we bid farewell to Women’s Month and stories of women abuse continue to frequently fill newspaper columns and radio talk shows, many South Africans can relate to the following story, albeit imaginary:

“After a whirlwind, passionate courtship and reminders that I was his dream come true, we got married five years ago. But now my life has become a living nightmare.

“It all started when he saw me talking to another man at the local department store. He got so angry he slammed my face against the wall and broke my nose and wrist.

“Every time I think of leaving, I tend to believe him when he apologises, promising it will never happen again.

“Besides, my parents had paid for our wedding. My friends admire him. I am too ashamed to tell them about the abuse and battering.

“He once beat me so badly I had to hide in the house for days to keep the people I know from seeing the bruises.

“We have two children. We could have been parents to three beautiful children, but he kicked me in the stomach when I was four months pregnant and I had a miscarriage.

“He keeps saying he is sorry and promises it won’t happen again ... but it does.

“My two children are scared to death of him. I am desperate to leave, but I, too, am scared.

“When I tell him I want a divorce, he threatens to kill me. I am contemplating suicide because there is no hope.”

As we end this month in which we reaffirm our commitment to achieve full respect for women’s human rights, we again and again ask how women should be empowered and why the abuse of women is so widespread.

Is there any hope?

Yes there is. It lies in first acknowledging there are large numbers of women, including those in marital unions or partnerships, who are enduring violence and abuse. And then trying to understand why.

Of course, one sure way to mask the severity of the problem is to blame the victim.

“Why doesn’t she leave?’’ some are sure to ask when the topic of women battering arises.

Studies here and abroad have shown that one of the most compelling reasons is that a battered woman is most likely to be murdered after she has left her tormenter.

Available literature shows the reasons for women remaining in abusive relationships are diverse.

They include a sense of helplessness, fear of economic security, guilt and feelings of failure, protection of children, cultural and religious beliefs, fear of further abuse and the normalisation of abuse by the society.

Battered women live with the social and emotional chaos created by their partner’s unpredictable, irrational behaviour and extreme mood swings.

Domestic abuse is often about power and control and the abuser often wants to totally control their partner.

Of course, some social commentators like to muddy the waters by pointing out that some women are batterers too.

However, studies show that women do strike out occasionally, but it is sometimes in self-defence. But so far, it is women who sustain the overwhelming majority of injuries from battering.

Goodbye Women’s Month. Next is the 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence in November and December which has become an annual event across the world.

We are going to use these 16 days to raise awareness around gender-based violence as a human rights violation.

Is there any hope that women battering and gender-based violence will ever be eliminated?

Society, and men in particular, need education on the rights of women and the consequences of partner battering.

Also, laws need to be strengthened and we need tougher penalties for batterers.

There is a need for programmes identifying and empowering women in abusive relationships.

Beyond that, society must send an unequivocal message saying violence against women is vile and reprehensible, and will no longer be tolerated.

Phumulo Masualle is Premier of the Eastern Cape. Follow him on @EC_ Premier and on Facebook at Masincokole.